Phantom Bride.
It doesn't get better.
Yeah, my life has not been that bad.
Yeah, my parents love me.
Yeah, I have some friends that I can count on.
But is not that easy, is it? Or everyone would be so satisfied, so happy.
Is in my fucking head, and I know it. I'm depressed, not dumb.
I don't enjoy anything. I'm always trying to be someone else, because I hate myself so fucking much. I'm always trying to get sensations that could take me out of my numbness.
I don't like being alive, I never had.
Yeah, my life has not been that bad.
But it just doesn't get better.
This sensation.
This rage.
This loneliness.
Don't you dare to try to point at me the good things I have. Or how others have it worse than I do.
Because I know, okay? I should not be depressed, because my life has not been that bad.
But I can't help it. I can't help to feel like this. ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
Doesn't matter what I do, what I drink, what I take. I just fucking can't.
And I need it to stop, you know?
Almost 23 fucking years, and I remember feeling like this every single fucking day of my life.
The first time I tried to kill myself I was 12.
The last time was November, last year.
I can't keep like this. I can't cope with this.
I can't keep alive.
I'm so sorry, but I just can't.
Hola Luce, llevó unos cuantos minutos leyendo tu blog y me gusta mucho como escribís, también debo admitir que me siento muy identificada con todo.
ResponderBorrarEs increíblemente difícil vivir con depresión pero si seguís acá es por algo. Espero seguir leyéndote. Un beso grande.